Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty About Your Depression When You Live a Good Life

Guilt isn’t always a rational thing…guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not

You have food when you need it, clothes when you want them, and a bed to sleep in every night. You have money to take trips. You went to college. You have a decent enough job. You are living better than a large amount of people in this world. You know what doesn’t care about all of this? Depression. 

I am a victim of the guilt of depression….as if depression itself is not bad enough. I’ve had spouts of not wanting to get out of bed or eat or shower, and then i get overrun with guilt of the fact that I have the choice to not have those things. Then, I feel worse because I tell myself everything is fine and to get over it.  

The thing is that yes, I, and many others who deal with depression, have all of these wonderful needs in life. However, your brain is what it is. The chemicals in your brain are different than a person who doesn’t suffer from depression. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault, and you should never dim your depression because of guilt. 

The fact is that depression is depression. I don’t care what got you there or didn’t get you there. It’s a feeling that depletes your energy. It sucks you soul. You have to accept it. The sooner you accept it for what it is, the sooner you can get better. Never let guilt prevent you from getting better because getting better helps everyone. 

xx, emily

Don’t Feel Sorry For Me

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful

  
Most of the time people forget just how lucky they are. As I have moved to a new city, I am constantly explaining why I moved, why I turned down dental school for awhile, etc, so with that, I have to explain that both of my parents have passed away, which indeed made a major impact in my decision. When I do this, I usually see the uncomfortable sadness in people’s eyes as they look at me like a poor homeless puppy out in the rain. I explain my parents passed away because it’s always more awkward when people ask later on in a future conversation about where your parens live. 

Usually it’s just the normal “oh i’m so sorry” and we move on with the conversation. However, i recently had some look at me and basically tell me that my life is so sad and haunting, how they feel so sorry for me, how can i possibly go on, etc. 

Do not feel sorry for me. 

I do not crave your pity. I do not enjoy being looked at as if I was left on the side of the road like an unwanted kitten. I have a wonderful life. I have the most incredible friends from kentucky to georgia to mississippi and all the way to texas. I have a fully functioning body. I am intelligent and have been blessed with an amazing education. My parents loved me more than most living parents love their own children. I grew up in a loving environment and was taught to be open-minded. I was blessed to believe I could do anything in the world I wanted to do. 

My parents were taken from this world entirely too early, but do not feel sorry for me. I would rather lose my parents early and have all the wonderful ideas and education they instilled in me than live in a world with an unloving family. 

Do not feel sorry for me. 

Feel sorry for those that do not have loving parents. Feel sorry for those that were left with absolutely nothing after a death. Feel sorry for people who can barely make it day to day because they can’t afford food and such. Feel sorry for those that don’t have access to education, love, or open-mindedness. 

Most importantly, don’t just feel sorry for them. Offer any ounce of kindness you can bestow to them. Do not forget how lucky you are to drive a car, vote, breathe on your own, have a disposable income, and food every single day. 

Do not feel sorry for me. I have a wonderful life and so do you. 

Xx emily

Take a Look Around

I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now

As many know, when you graduate from college, you have months of build up then suddenly that’s it. You graduate, and the life you created in a new city ends it’s quick life. All the friends you’ve made will split up and move off to their old hometowns or new and exciting places. You too will move off. Personally, I moved to a new state and chose to forego my spot in dental school until later for something completely new: a year off from school.

I have never not been in school, and as I have learned the past few weeks, the real world is very real. Bills are very real. Life is very real. School was the perfect outlet to live life to the fullest and still have the comfort of knowing what you had to do that week. As I and many new college graduates job search, the pressure is real.

At the same time though, I have never felt better. I recently saw a quote that put everything into perspective. “I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now”. Whether that be relationship, job, city, or just lifestyle-wise, I find it so unbelievably accurate. I used to beg and plead for the future. I wanted my own place, to be in charge of my money and lifestyle, to choose what direction my life went in, and most importantly how I felt in life.

The real world challenges are currently very scary, but how lucky am I, and I am sure many of you, to look back to even just a year ago and realize that all those things you hoped and prayed for have finally happened. I hope everyone realizes that life is going to keep happening and that is totally and completely scary sometimes, but at the same time, how unbelievably wonderful to see so many things you have worked for come to fruition as life keeps going.

Keep living because you are accomplishing so much even when you don’t realize it.

xx Emily

Don’t Regret Your Life

The quickest way to acquire self-confidence is to do exactly what you are afraid to do. -Anon

 

As graduation draws closer, I have been struck with so much anxiety. I recently gave up a spot in dental school to move to a new city where i know basically no one, and that is beyond frigtening but exciting.  

I know that leaving friends and the college town that has made you who you are for a possibly unsure future can seem impossibly scary, but maybe that’s what needs to be done. Most people moved to college with very few or no friends, and look how beautifully the four years have turned out. 

It’s okay to be afraid of what’s to come, but don’t opt for the easier choice simply because it’s easy. I could easily have said yes to dental school in a city i have known for my whole life for a definite future, but instead I chose the  other path. 

The fact is that life can change in the blink of an eye. You may lose your parents or your bestfriend. You may get cancer. You may do everything right and get nothing in return for it, but that’s life. 

I chose the other path because i don’t want something to happen in my life that a year, five, or even ten years from now make me question and wonder why i never did what I really wanted to do. I don’t want to regret my life because I took the easy way out. 

Make the choice because that’s what you really want to do, and even if it is scary-do it. It’s the easiest way to end up where you deserve to end up, which is happy. It may be hard at first, but everyone gets a hang of life after awhile. 

xx, emily

An Open Letter to the Wanderers

There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.

Here’s an open letter to everyone that doesn’t know exactly where or what they’ll be doing in a year. I call them the wanderers (because hobos, drifters, and nomads don’t always have the best connotations attached to them). So, with that, i say welcome to a club full of what many would assume are lazy, irresponsible people with no future; however, not all of us are.

I recently got into dental school; however, due to the fact that it is in the same state and general area i’ve lived in for the past 22 years, i have chosen not to go. I am moving to a larger city with all kinds of opportunities, so while i will be applying to a dental school in that area, i may find something else i really want to do.

Many people find my choice stupid and a pointless waste of time because i have a future right here in front of me. But is it worth it to go somewhere you truly don’t want to go all for money? I didn’t think so. I’d rather take the time to be where i want to be.

So, to all the wanderers that have a few ideas for what they want to do, go for it. Take your time. Figure out what you really want to do. Don’t waste your time and life doing something everyone expects you to do if it doesn’t make you happy. Don’t do something only for money.

Don’t get me wrong, money is a necessity in this day and age, but so is happiness. Material things aren’t everything. Happiness is.

If you put in the work and try, then everything will work out how it is supposed to. So, to all the hardworking wanderers: the lack of plans and change is scary, but if you have an instinctual feeling that your plan isn’t right then don’t do it. Better to let it go now then years from now when you are in a depressing situation.

Follow your instincts. Be happy, and wander into a fulfilling future.

xx, emily

Less Than A Quarter-Life Crisis

The unwritten chapters are the most thrilling: the dull ache, the yearning for all that is to come”

Basically, in the last month, the allure of being a college senior has passed. Instead, I wake up most days realizing that this is my last time to do most things. Not just the normal things like football games, but random things like my last birthday with my college friends or registering for my last semester in college.

As the semester comes to a close so do acceptance letters for many post undergraduate schools such as my prospect: dental school. While I do know where I am moving after graduation, I do not know exactly what I will be doing. When you are a junior in college, things become a little more clear and you still have that silly idea that everything you have planned is going to happen exactly as planned.

While I have lost both of my parents, I have never really had anything else school/career-wise in my life not go according to plan. At this moment, I have absolutely no idea what I will be doing in 5 years. I could be living under a bridge with my dog for all I know writing my blog in internet cafes with spare change I find on the ground. I have never felt this twinge of worry so much in my life. And that scares me.

I, and many many many other college seniors, have no idea what is next because all the plans we made haven’t come to fruition. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to be hit by reality like that. I figure that as long as we continue to be hardworking and not let reality wear us down then we’ll be fine. We’ll figure it all out in the end, but we can’t stop trying.

So don’t worry, you aren’t alone in your stress and crises. Keep going. Life will figure itself out.

xx, Emily

Be Yours

I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s

I see it around all the time. People lose who they are to the people around them. To their significant other, their controlling parent, their friends. They forget they can make their own choices.

In fact, they forget they even have a choice. It is my number one mission to ensure that in the end i never forget I belong to me. My hopes, my dreams, my memories. They all belong to me.

I feel sorry for people who forget their own voice and fall victim to the world’s horrible grasp. People who forget that life is meant to be enjoyed not frigid and worrisome. People who go to colleges to follow an ideal that isn’t them at all or diet because someone tells them they don’t look good.

Marriage and dating can be an immensely beautiful and fun thing, but , please, i beg of you do not forget that you are someone all on your own. You have your own thoughts and your own things that make you happy. I am in no way implying that you should never enjoy the luxury of being a “we”, but simply remember that without that other half– you are still someone great.

So, make sure that what you are doing is something that would make you happy even if the main people in your life were not around. Be yours and never ever lose yourself to the world. Make sure the ideals that you follow are thoughts that you actually believe.

Always always always remember that no matter what changes around you-people or otherwise- you always have you. So, cultivate what you love and just be you, and those who truly support you will be right there with you.

xx, emily

A Breakdown Does Not Mean You Are Broken

for a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth

I think it’s safe to say most people get to point where they just can’t seem to keep going. School or work seems to be breaking you down, your social life is collapsing, or you can’t find the time to get enough sleep.

You wanna break down, you wanna be alone. So do it. It’s necessary, sometimes, to just let it out. I am by no means implying that you should whine for days about how hard life is. No. I just mean if you need to go home and cry. Then cry. If you need to not talk to anyone and stay in for the weekend and veg out on take out and watch netflix. Then do it.

I feel that nowadays, we all feel that we can’t stop. If we stop, then we’ll fail. If we show any sign of weakness, then we will be done for. It’s okay to need to chill out and have a good cry.

Never for a second think that you can’t take a break and just figure things out. I always find that at least one night of no homework or going out does absolute wonders for my attitude and happiness.

People seem to think that showing any sort of breakdown will cause you to get behind and things will just get worse. Life is hard work and doing it right is even harder. Even the most put together people need a little break.

So, take a second and slow down. Breakdown if you need to. You aren’t down and out, you are re-energizing and will be back better than ever.

xx, emily

Everything Is Built on Happenstance

Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance

Everything in our lives is so specific. What we like, where we live, the schools we attend, the cars we drive. But the truth is these specific things could be totally different if in the whim of a minute you had chosen a different college, chosen to drink and drive, chosen to give up, chosen to care for another.

I think we forget how quickly things can change. How different things can be. How quickly that stability and comfort can be lost.

Isn’t it something to think that all that you have and all that you are is created in a moment. If that’s the case then it can be said that we can change our lives for the better in “the whim of a minute”.

In a minute, you could choose to try. You could choose to let go. You could choose to be who you really are. And in that minute, it could all dramatically be moved for the better.

I find it rather humbling to remember that while all things can be changed for the better in the whim of a minute, at the same time, all can take a turn for the worst. So, remember what you have, be thankful, revel in it. Because this life that seems so stable to you can be turned upside down by just one choice, one person, one accident, one mistake.

Never lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life because those choices you make can dramatically affect your whole life. The smallest choices that seem so worthless to the overall picture can lead to some pretty amazing new ideas, new relationships, and essentially a better life.

So, never take for granted those simple decisions because in the whim of a minute your life can change.

xx, emily

Friday’s Five

Happy friday!

Smart things you should do in your 20s: http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/10-smart-things-you-should-do-in-your-20s.html

Things no one tell you about being a grown up: http://www.bustle.com/articles/18279-9-things-no-one-tells-you-about-being-a-grown-up

7 tips for living healthy on a budget: http://theeverygirl.com/7-tips-for-healthy-living-on-a-budget

Weirdest smuggling schemes ever caught by customs: http://www.boredpanda.com/customs-confiscated-items/

Photoshoot of people willingly being hit with a stun gun by their loved ones: http://www.boredpanda.com/taser-photoshoot-patrick-hall/

xx, emily